More musical musings

I was forced to learn the recorder when I was four. I was too disruptive in reading lessons as I was already a good reader, and the school dealt with that by sending me to play the recorder with the 10 year olds. I loved it. That was when I was first exposed to the piano.

When I was five, I decided that I wanted to learn the piano. I was adamant; however, my parents were not so sure that five was a good age to start. I badgered and badgered, and eventually. when I was six, they agreed I could start lessons.

My school at the time offered trial music lessons. They didn't have any space left on the piano session, but they did have on the violin. I had no interest in that, but I did it anyway because there was a piano in that room.

I barely remember that lesson. I remember standing on the other side of the room watching the teacher play the piano and thinking that is what I want to do. I don't remember touching the violin.

I do remember breaking my arm in two places the following day when I fell off the bars in gymnastics (another class my school offered).

I had surgery, I came home, and I remained in a full arm plaster for a whole year. Clearly, music lessons were out. I learned to knit instead, and I helped the babies with their reading in lunch breaks.

When my plaster came off, my arm was very weak. To this day, my right arm is marginally weaker than my left and I have residual tendon damage from where the tendons were damaged by the break. However, I immediately began asking for piano lessons again. By now I was seven.

My parents relented. My grandmother bought me my very own piano and I was finally off.

It was everything I had dreamed it would be. I loved it. I practiced diligently, played many concerts, and just had a great time playing. I would come home from school and throw myself into practice.

When I was nine, I had the chance to also learn the clarinet. That was when I realised what my true love was. I still enjoyed the piano, but the clarinet was an extension of me.

I carried on taking lessons in both - I took all my exams, played more concerts and even went on tour. And I dreamed of playing the clarinet professionally.

But it unravelled when I was 16. My beloved piano teacher was diagnosed with a brain tumour. He was a great guy, and I looked forward to my lessons every week. He really challenged me, and he understood my style of playing. But as he grew frailer, my lessons were cancelled with depressing frequency. He recommended a new teacher, and gave me suggestions as to who I might work well with. He died shortly after he gave me his list. I was devastated.

My next teacher wasn't a great fit. He was a really nice guy, but he didn't offer a challenge. I started to lose interest, for the first time. I had a very bad bout of food poisoning just after this, and wasn't able to leave my bed for a month. I was really quite unwell. Piano playing was impossible, let alone travelling to my lessons.

I stopped taking piano lessons at this point. It was months before I felt strong enough to do more than go to school and come home, and I decided to concentrate on the clarinet and on my school exams - at this point I had decided that I would like to try to get into medical school. Instead of piano lessons, I had additional tutoring in chemistry. I'd like to say it helped, but I'll just point out that I am a qualified accountant, not a doctor and leave you to draw your own conclusions!

So I continued with my clarinet studies. I still adored the instrument. However, I wasn't so enamoured with my teacher. I still had the same teacher I had when I started. She was a nice woman, but she didn't come close to being as good a teacher as my previous piano teacher. He encouraged me to explore the music, to find my own style and my own interpretation, and he worked with my style to find the best music for me. Whereas, with my clarinet teacher, I felt I was playing the music she loved in the style she thought it should be played in.

And then I discovered alcohol :)

I started to go out more with friends from school. As it happened, they were also in the same band that I played it, so when I went on tour, so did they. That was the last straw, as far as my clarinet playing went.

We were not permitted to buy duty free (which still existed in the EU at this time), despite being legally allowed to. We were not allowed to drink or smoke - both of which were legal in the country we visited, and the restrictions proved too alluring.

I left the band after our return, and I didn't see my teacher again. My teacher was disappointed in my behaviour and I was too angry with hers to want to continue.

So ended my musical career.

I do regret it.

I was very good. Not to sound arrogant, but I was good. If I had continued, I would have been able to attend music school. Instead, I drank my way through a biomedical science degree and then became an accountant.

I don't regret those decisions in the slightest as I enjoyed my time at university and I love my current job, but I often wonder what could have been. The only thing I regret is not continuing with my music. I still miss it.

I play the piano infrequently now. I'm not anywhere as good as I used to be, and I find that hard to listen too. Clearly the dogs do, since they don't like me playing. The cats aren't too fond of my clarinet playing either, and it isn't the same without accompaniment. I've been playing the bass guitar on and off for a couple of years as well. I can play along to the radio now, and that has been fun. But I miss just being able to sit down and lose myself in music the way I used to.

I hope Little Lady can find as much enjoyment in music as I used to. Even if it doesn't last!