Evaluation madness

The evaluation was on Monday.

The quick version is that it was a complete waste of everyone's time.

The longer version goes something like this....

My sister (from now on known as Gargamel) was late because she couldn't find the place. Since she was driving the Boy, my mother (now known as Big Al because that is how she signs all her notes to me) and the Sperm Donor (also known as the Twat), this complicated the assessment.

I had to fill out his forms. These were mainly on his behavioural traits, and really, the therapist should have seen this as the first clue. Aunties should not be filling out these forms, making notes and generally completing paperwork for someone else's child.

So everyone turned up. The Boy made a beeline for a box of lego on the floor (I was hard pushed not to do the same) and the talking began.

The therapists wanted to discuss with the Boy how he felt about his parents breakup. Since this happened when he was 10 months, he didn't really have any feelings about it. They turned to the current custody arrangements - formally, and per the court agreement, Gargamel has full custody, they share parental rights and Sperm Donor has him every weekend.

In reality, Sperm Donor has him every other weekend and I have him the other. Big Al acts in loco parentis during the week and Gargamel does what she pleases.

Sperm Donor said that he had decided, for the sake of the Boy to cut down on the weekend visits because it was difficult with his new baby. To hear him paint the tale, it was a noble sacrifice on his part and was hurting him intensely.

He failed to mention the fact that the Boy had requested not to go anymore because he preferred to come to my house. When the Boy made the request it was because "Auntie and Uncle are mad and I get to do all sorts of fun stuff at their house. I want to be with them not you". No, he was being a good father and trying to balance the needs of his two boys.

Why didn't I speak up, you ask. Because the Sperm Donor started to CRY at this point, sending me into fits of stifled giggles. It was so fake it hurt, but sadly the therapist fell for it. The Boy didn't, and expressed great surprise at this unexpected show of emotion.

What is even funnier, but I didn't know at the time, was that just one hour before, Sperm Donor had told Gargamel and the Boy that he could no longer go there at weekends at all because he was far too busy and couldn't make time for him......

Anyway, the meeting degenerated from there. Both parents tried to outdo each other in the doting stakes, whilst the Boy happily played with the toys and told me exactly what he was doing.

The therapist only cottoned on at the end of the meeting, despite being told several times, that I have the Boy at weekends now. I think she thought I was there for the morning off work.

Anyway, to skip to the end and save you the tedious dialogue, she feels that all his problems stem from sibling rivalry. His new step brother is three months old. Never mind that these problems have been here for years, she opted for the nice and obvious label.

Personally, I think that's bollocks, but what would I know? I'm just a work shy auntie.

However, thanks to Sperm Donor and Gargamel, I now have full weekend rights. I wasn't asked, of course, but rather it was assumed that he would be coming here. All I can say is that it is a good thing I love him, because right now I would like to throttle his parents.

He has since asked if he can live here full time and have me as his mum, and his mum as his auntie.

If only.