Let me look at you with my own eyes

My first optician appointment was when I was four years old. I had trouble keeping my eyes in focus and it was clear even at that tender age that I was unable to see far into the distance.

By eleven, I wore glasses all the time. I went through a short phase where vanity won out over vision, which ended swiftly after multiple bruises, a wasted trip to the cinema and several headaches.

I flirted with contact lenses, but that affair was also brief.

Glasses it was. Until this week.

It's been little things that nudged me to this point. My last haircut, for example. I went from fifteen inches of hair to barely one, and was blind during most of the proceedings. I had no idea what he was doing because I just couldn't see.

Snorkelling. I missed a lot of fish that my party saw because anything more than five inches from my face was a colourful blur.

Not to mention the amount of time spent blindly fumbling for my glasses in the morning because a certain fat cat who shall remain nameless liked to knock them off my bedside table and bat them around.

So I got brave, and went for a lasik consultation.

My prescription wasn't that bad. I was -4.75 dioptres in my right eye and -5.25 dioptres in my left. Not great, but not so bad that lasik would be difficult. My pupils were deemed to be large, but not freakishly so. Everything else was fine.

I agreed to have the surgery. I put down a large deposit to make sure I didn't back out again (the thought of having my eyeball clamped, let alone sliced into has never appealed) and then immediately questioned my sanity.

Over the next few days I spent a lot of time researching the procedure in detail. Frankly, a lot of the sites I found were not encouraging, but I came to the realisation that people who are satisfied with their procedure don't tend to spend their time telling the world on various websites........probably too busy enjoying their new eyesight.

The day dawned and I was as nervous as hell.

There was a huge delay at the clinic, for reasons I still don't know, and by 11AM the 9AM patient was getting very nervous. I was the 9.30AM patient. The wait was doing nothing for my nerves either, and I was seriously contemplating going to the pub and waiting there. Then the 9AM patient was called. She turned a very funny green colour and slowly walked into the procedure room.

I had a quick chat with the surgeon who checked my eyes and cleared me for surgery. It was back to waiting again, but he promised it would be no more than fifteen minutes.

That was both a long and short fifteen minutes.

Eventually I was called.

The room was very stark and clinical. I lay down on the bed and had my head settled into the rest. Then I had my eyes cleaned and the anaesthetic drops put in. The nurses were very good about putting me at my ease, and they showed me the equipment to be used.

The surgeon came in and tested the equipment and gave my eyes a final check. Then he warned me that the first part of the procedures was the unpleasant past but it would be over quickly.

Before I had time to respond, the machinery was pulled over my face and trapped me in. It was probably not a second too soon because I probably would have bolted if I knew what was actually going to happen.

He asked me to look down. I did and he slipped a plastic clamp onto my eye. I thought to myself that it was uncomfortable but not painful and congratulated myself on getting through that bit.

Then he turned the suction on.

Wow.

I thought my eye was going to simultaneously burst, explode through the back of my head and pop out. It just felt so wrong. Everything went dim, then blurry and finally dark.

After what felt like an age, the suction ceased, and my vision came back. The flap had been created. I took a deep breath, because I had held it throughout the suction.

Then they switched eyes. I was surprised because I thought they would complete one eye before moving onto the other, and that gave me a few minutes before I had to endure that on my left eye.

But no, he inserted the clamp on my left eye and turned the suction on.

I have to admit that that was worse. Despite knowing what was going to happen, that was still a shock and on my left eye, the suction crossed from uncomfortable to downright painful. It wasn't helped by the fact I had very little vision in my right eye and was feeling quite scared about my newfound blindness.

Eventually it ended. They said I was doing really well, and I said that was only because I could cry even if I wanted to. One eye was clamped and the other was aching!

After the flaps were created, the surgery got interesting. I had another couple of anaesthetic drops and then the flaps were moved back to allow the laser to be used. That was amazing. I could see exactly what was going on.

The laser bit was fine. The put in a gentle clamp, which looks very much like a pair of eyelash curlers. I had to look at a red dot, and then the laser started. It clicks a lot, and it smells like burning hair as it reshapes the cornea. Given the amount of times Frankie has singed his whiskers it isn't an unfamiliar smell.

They put the flaps back and smoothed them down.

It was done.

I sat up, and immediately I could see a difference. It was exactly like looking under water, but underwater with perfect vision.

They had me sit in a dark room for a little while. I found that I got progressively more light sensitive at this time and that I could not keep my eyes open. I wasn't in any pain, but I just could not keep them open.

I had my post surgery check after half an hour. They had to hold my eyes open, because I couldn't, and I was cleared to go home.

The Baron was driving, and I spent the entire trip home with my eyes shut. I tried to open them every now and then, because I was getting really quite car sick travelling like that, but all I managed was a quick glimpse here and there.

We got home and I went straight to bed. The surgeon advised that, since the flap is healing at that point and keeping my eyes shut would help that along. So I popped on my sooper sexay sleeping goggles and went to bed.

After about an hour (I am not one for sleeping during the day) I got back up. Although it was still hard to keep my eyes open, there was a marked improvement in the quality of my vision. I was very impressed.

The next morning was just incredible. Everything was crystal clear. I had a large bruise in my eye (I thought I only had the one until I rolled my eyes and saw three more lurking under my lids) but my sight was just perfect.

I returned for my post op check, where they cleared me to drive. Just 24 hours after the surgery I had 20/16 vision (which is something like 115% of normal vision). I had no discomfort, and only mild photophobia.

I bought some seriously cool sunglasses. Something I've never been able to do before, since I had to have prescription sunglasses.

So here I sit now. No glasses. My vision seems better in the mornings, and deteriorates a little in the afternoon (even at that point it is better than 20/20) although of course, my eyes are still healing and settling. My ability to focus can be a little variable as well.

I have an extensive eye drop regime to follow, but so far I have had no problems. Well, the steroid drops taste absolutely foul and I cannot get the taste out of my mouth (and no, I am NOT drinking the drops), but other than that I have no complaints at all.

I just wish I had had this done sooner.