Samson

The birth of my daughter will forever be linked for my family with the early, and unexpected death of Samson.

Samson was my parent's rottweiler, and the uncle of my own Darth Lila. He was the most laid back dog in the world, although he was possibly also the most stubborn. Although he lived with my parent's, he was my dog just as much as theirs. I adored him. We all did.

He had been a little off colour that week. Zach and Lila were staying over, since we knew Little Lady would be arriving any time that week, and he didn't want to play with them. He preferred to sit away from them and watch.

On the Friday, he visited the vet. He had a small spot of blood in his eye and he was still out of sorts. The vet thought it was probably nothing to worry about and advised that he be kept quiet and not tear around with the other dogs.

We will never know exactly what happened that night. Sam appeared to have collapsed just as he got to his sleeping spot at the bottom of the stairs, and he died where he fell. My father came down to find his, and our, beloved pet dead where he usually greeted him.

The vet was contacted to collect his body. I was unable to leave the hospital to say goodbye to our first rottweiler, our pet of six and a half years, which is something I still can't come to terms with.

I got a phonecall from my sister shortly after I woke up, still radiant with the joy of finally having my long awaited daughter in my arms. I went from joy to despair with just two words. Samson died.

My parents house is so empty without its big stubborn occupant, and his "brother", Harry moons around with no-one to play with.

There is no need to split the toast crusts in half, or to split an apple core for them to share. There is no big black blob with a lolloping tongue and cocked ear stopping you getting in the house because he wants a fuss.

I'll always miss him, and I will always remember him.

Pooped

Physically, mentally and emotionally.

So thanks for all the sandwich ideas. As luck would have it, this week I have been at a client that I daren't leave to find a sandwich shop. Let's just say it is a rough area and leave it at that.

Lila is now allowed out for walks. I have been getting up extra early to get her out to have a nice long walk. This doesn't mean she actually goes to the toilet outside though, so I also have to clean the floor every morning. That also requires getting up early, since she can piss a small lake.

We started puppy training classes last night. It was great fun, and she slept very well! This evening we visited my parents and their dog, and they have played for five hours straight. Lila has a more active social life than I do at the moment!

Work has been hectic. I have reports coming out of my ears, and a pile to actually write. I dream of reports. And of the Baron writing my car off, and somehow I can combine the two for a really thrilling dream where I end up with no car and millions of reports.

I feel like my mind may just burst, but we are unable to take any leave until May, and I am booked solid until at least the middle of May. Then I have to start my 05-06 work which has been delayed, so the holiday I have left simply isn't going to get taken. I wouldn't mind so much, but my team is up to date. As the other teams are not, we have been drafted in to do their work rather than employ temps.

We will get extra pay to reflect the extra hours (our reports must be written in the evenings or at the weekends to give us maximise chargeable time on site) , but frankly I am tired now. I need a rest.

I miss Harvey so much. I've felt a lot better in the last few weeks, but this week, it has really got bad again. Driving home this evening with Lila, I came round the bend where he was killed and completely lost it.

All I could think about was whether he felt being hit. Did he cry when he was hit? Did he feel any pain? Did he know?

I can't get those thoughts out of my head. The last few evenings, Willow has been jumping up on the bed, and my first thought is always "It's Harvey!". And it isn't. I don't know why I've been thinking that. I try to hide my disappointment, because I am glad to see Willy, but I end up crying into her fur.

I miss him.

Goodbye

I feel ill. And saddened.

Goodbye clean air.

Goodbye to a meaningful right to choose.

Goodbye to any real homosexual rights.

Goodbye to civil liberties.

Goodbye to more lives lost in a meaningless war.

Still, people get what they vote for. And if people vote for a smirking little fucktard who can't string together a meaningful sentence, and wouldn't know the truth if it was smacked round his smirking little face, well that is what people get. And deserve. Well done, USA.

It is s shame that the rest of the world must suffer the consequences. War on terror my arse.

The world's biggest terrorist has just been given free reign for another four years.

Thanks.

Sad news

I haven't been to Friends Reunited in ages.

I just paid a visit, updated my profile, checked my old friends, and clicked on the school message boards. I just found out that a former classmate died. Aged 25.

RIP mate.

More snow

Out of the last six days, we have had at least some snow on five. Weird or what?

The cats don't like the snow and stay inside to bug me, my car looks vile from all the salt I've picked up on the motorway (and it is snowing and therefore way too cold to contemplate washing it, so vile it must stay) and I have to go and put the rubbish out for collection today so I will get cold and wet.

Other than that, I have no plans to do anything other than cook, have a scarily hot bath with lotions and potions, play my guitar, read a whole book and do my nails. No TV at all. Just some music. Oh and a nice homemade Auntie Sarah mocha coffee supreme.

The perfect Sunday.

Depressed

I feel a little depressed this evening, and I don't really know why.