For Sale

Item 1: One slightly damaged rottweiler (furless paws, electrical burn on tongue).
Aged 21 months, female. Enjoys bullying puppies, eating wires, and barking at the television. Very stroppy and prone to dribbling.

Item 2: One black labrador, good as new.
Aged 8 months, male. Believes he is a cat. Also enjoys eating electrical equipment. Has a history of knocking things over with his tail.

Item 3: One black cat, reasonable condition.
Aged nearly 4 years, male, incredibly stupid. He believes he is invisible. 'Nuff said.

Item 4: One tortoiseshell cat, excellent condition.
Aged three years, female. Very very very vocal. Enjoys headbutting, crying and winding up dogs. Scatters kibble over the entire kitchen.

Item 5: One fat orange cat, damaged ears, legs and bowels.
Age unknown, male. Grumpy. Enjoys sitting on the bath mat and laying in the sun.

Item 6: One tabby cat, damaged.
Age unknown, female. Missing one eye, several inches of tail and a lot of brain cells. Will watch food cook in the oven. Enjoys attacking quilts.

Item 7: One tabby cat, good condition.
Age unknown, but old. Female. Enjoys beating up cats, dogs and unsuspecting humans.

Item 8: One ginormous white cat, missing fur and teeth.
Age unknown, male. Will eat entire body weight in food on a daily basis if allowed.