If you were a fly on my wall

"Lila, don't eat Zach's tail"

"Frankie, stop headbutting the microwave"

"Lila, it's a broom. It won't hurt you"

"Zach, Frankie is not edible"

"Frankie, leave the bloody microwave alone!"

"Charlie, why are you eating Ozzie? He can't taste THAT good"

"Ellie, me sitting on the toilet is not an invitation for you to sit on my lap. Go away"

"Willow, stop attacking the quilt. It hasn't done anything wrong"

"Frankie, stop headbutting the toaster!"

"Zach, you DO NOT HUMP MY BACK!"

"Lila, it is a plastic bag. You are quite safe"

"Ellie. I am about to give you fresh food. You left that all night because you didn't want it. Why do you insist on starting to eat it as I go to empty your bowl AND THEN GLARE AT ME FOR TAKING YOUR BLOODY FOOD AWAY?!"

"Holly, stop hitting me. I mean it. I know you are there. It's hard not to notice when you have your claws embedded in my nipple"

"Zach, that skirt was clean. Stop jumping up!"

"Ozzie, if you don't let me groom you NOW, I will be forced to shave your entire bum to get rid of the mats. Do you want the other cats to laugh at you?"

"Lila, you are a girl. Why are you mounting Zach?"

"I hate you all. Leave home NOW"