I am an evil witch

I might not be able to cast spells, but by God I am a witch today.

I am in a vile mood, and I cannot shake it. Absolutely everything and everyone is pissing me off.
So for everyone's safety, here are a few guidelines:

1. If you are a dog, do not crap on my floor. Do not throw up on the sofa. Do not eat everything that you see when we go for a walk.

2. If you are a cat, don't pull my laundry bin over. Stop dropping your food on the floor and stop howling to go outside, then to come back in and then to go back outside.

3. If you are newly pregnant, I do not wish to know right now. Really. And if you need to post about it, please don't make a point of inserting it into every single fucking post thereafter.

4. If you are the Baron, don't call me a sad bitch for buying a children's toy because I don't have children. You're the one who doesn't want them at the moment, so don't have the cheek to get pissed off when I point out that small fact.

5. If you are my mother, please don't call from Spain to remind me of all the things I still have to do for the wedding. I. Just. Don't. Care.

6. If you are my manager, don't ask me to complete a spreadsheet that you haven't even provided me with. Especially since it is the weekend.

7. If you are Darth Tater, then despite the fact you are a child's toy (and I don't have any children) I think you are damn cool. Just don't lose your lightsabre.

8. If you are anyone else, you are probably ok right now.