Decorating woes

We thought we had nearly finished the decorating.

The bedrooms are all done. The bathrooms are repainted and retiled. Amtico tiles look great but are a pain in the arse to cut. I've lost the skin over the joint of my index finger and can't bend it anymore. Still, I can poke people with it, so all is not lost.

The hall is all done. The edging round nine doors nearly gave me a nervous breakdown, but it is all done.

The Baron painted my back a stunning soft cinnebar colour, and in retaliation, I painted his head with silver streak.

Sadly, the carpet on the stairs is completely ruined. We started wiping spots of paint off as we saw them, but they smeared and made a mess. I came up with the really bright idea of leaving them to dry so we could pick them off. It worked on the Baron's head.

My bright idea wasn't all that. The paint has dried into rock solid splatters that no amount of picking can remove. My carpet had the chicken pox.

I'm not sympathetic to illness in carpets, so I cut them out with scissors. Now my carpet has paint stains, a receding hairline, bald spots and a rather fetching cat piss stain. I wouldn't mind the stain so much, but this particular stain was not created by one of my cats.

The carpet must go.

The lino in the kitchen must also go. The flood of not quite Biblical proportions last week has dissipated but remains in our memories in the form of newly created mountains and valleys on the floor. It is completely buggered.

Anyone want to come over and help lay flooring? I'll provide tea and cake......